Judd and Kevin make a movie

Zack and Miri Make a Porno ( 2008 )

I heard from a friend once that the sweetest thing a guy could ever do for his girlfriend is to think of her as he masturbates. With that in mind, Zack and Miri embodies just that idea, being ewww and awww at the same time.

An appropriate conclusion to my recent Kevin Smith marathon, his latest View Askew foray once again tells a crude yet endearing story about everyday people finding love in the most awkward and unusual of situations. Although Zack and Miri falls a few threads short of a supposed tapestry of emotions and themes, it’s Smith’s dialogue that left me in stitches with the right amount of heartfelt sap that equates to this unconventional romantic comedy perfect for a Wednesday evening. Oh and Jason Mewes aka Jay is in it, too yay drool gah

Wacking out

The Wackness ( 2008 )

Top-billed among popular movie blog sites as The Movie Where Gandhi Sucks Face With That Olsen Twin, ‘The Wackness’ really IS that movie and a lot more. In the same vein as most coming-of-age movies, ‘The Wackness’ contains the usual ingredients of teenage angst tragicomedies set to a Manhattan ’90s summer backdrop.

There is definitely an autobiographical feel to this slightly maudlin drama, and it’s exactly the kind of storytelling that shows more love for the writer’s own material rather than reaching out to its audience. Josh Peck’s portrayal of the low-key teen Luke Shapiro is fun to watch (but delivers the oddest lines no human would ever say) and Ben Kingsley effortlessly steals every scene as Dr. Squires- a psychiatrist with more issues than all his patients combined. But with each ensuing scene, Peck’s character becomes less and less likeable- and so does the whole movie. Surreal elements stick out; and at the end of it all, it’s come down to the same material we’ve seen before- just lensed a different way. Shapiro’s eventual transformation isn’t rewarding, nor is it moving. In fact it stays true to the film’s nature. Uhmm, now that’s wack, yo.

Bhollywood

Sing to me, Saawariya!

Saawariya (2007) : 1.5/5

It presents itself as a fairly easy movie to love; but as treacherous as most films tend to be, Saawariya stabs you in the back with an excruciating 120+ minutes of blue hued cinematography on fanciful sets with overextended (and forgettable) song numbers (with the exclusion of the catchy title song, haha).

I wanted to like this movie. I wanted to like the characters but none of them proved to be worthy of forging an affinity with, as they all seemed either too naive, too stupid, too dreamy, or too achingly annoying. Come to think of it, Saawairya doesn’t live up to its supposed expectations. When the most intriguing thing about a film is its production design and gorgeous lead actors, you know you’re in trouble (I forgot where I read this).

In its entirety, Saawariya’s handicap is unclear but you’ll definitely see it wobbling hard as the film climaxes. It turned out to be a sad case of abandoned characters and a forgotten plot- all for the sake of an overly stylized fairy-tale like Indian utopia. And without even reading the IMDB trivia page, it’s evident that Hollywood has dipped its dirty fingers into what would’ve been a delicious Bollywood treat. It has now tarnished into a soiled amalgamation of both, which i now dub as Bhollywood. I know. Ang baho talaga.

Crumb-y Korean Horror

Entertain us

Hansel & Gretel (2007): 2/5

There’s something about Korean films that’s just innately weird and unpredictable (this one reminded me of ‘Cut’ in the Three Extremes trilogy)- and it is precisely in those qualities where its predictability stems from. Its story is bleak, in spite of the highly paradoxical (yet appropriate) and picturesque rainbow-doused color scheme glaring out of the screen- too bad, really, because behind this curtain of hopeful possibilities for a classic horror story lies a dragging narrative devoid of any grotesque, overt scares and cheap thrills (which I think I was initially after- haha). In the end, I felt deprived of any such catharsis as the odd and surreal twists and turns lead to an ambiguous (not in a good way) conclusion.

Shmash-shmortion!

He has a nice personality

Knocked Up (2007): 4/5

Contrary to popular belief, I do keep an open mind when it comes to movies of the Will Ferrell type (the ones of the Happy Madison people, however, have gotten increasingly irritating- must be the mood swings or that time of the month). But i’m glad this movie caught me at neither occasion. Regardless of it being another stoner flick with endless hit-and-miss comedic bits, this movie isn’t as knocked up as it appears to be, yet there is some heart to be found in the depths of its apparent and well, stupid-movie surface. It runs a bit too long though, clocking in at more than 2 hours, but the point being driven at is clearly there (or did I look too much into this movie?).

It’s a good movie, this one is. Good movies make you care, make you believe in possibilities again. And to sum up, a line from one of Woody Allen’s movies comes to mind after watching Knocked Up (for the second time!). It goes:- “I just met the most wonderful man. He’s fictional but you can’t have everything.”

Coherent Insanity

Bangkok aint big enough for the two of us

Tears of the Black Tiger (2000): 4.5/5

Tears of the Black Tiger had me at the opening credits (not to mention the movie’s title alone). It certainly is a unique movie, being a Thai western cult melodrama fused with stylized color-flustereded scenes and awesome, absurd imagery. With horrible acting and extremely laughable dialogue, ‘Black Tiger’ is consistently awkward and corny, and knowing that it’s the kind of movie that doesn’t take itself seriously makes it all the more endearing. Thanks to http://eternalsunshineofthelogicalmind.blogspot.com I found some screencaps to the movie since I can’t find the words to express how much I truly enjoyed it. If you ever get a hold of a copy, take note that this wonderful piece of bizarre cinema is meant to be a FUN film. Nitpickers stay away haha this one’s for keeps.

If the pants fit

We're not wearing any pants today

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (2008): 2/5

As I’ve told a bunch of my friends after seeing this movie -now that’s one expensive friendship to maintain. With my blog stats currently shaped like two lopsided breasts (wtf) I thought maybe this post should be one dedicated to celebrating womanhood – or more specifically, sisterhood (I can already hear you smirking).

A sequel to the 2005 chick flick, the The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 takes over where the first movie left off, but the 3 year gap between both movies turns the once-enjoyable feel-good original into a teenage soap opera laden with all sorts of (unnecessary) drama and lots of hot men. The Sisterhood bluntly defies the Rolling Stones – you (they) can always get what you (they) want.

This time around however, the advent of college is the cause of the Sisterhood’s drifting bond as issues start to escalate in another exciting summer. Bridget forges a lost relationship with her grandmother, and mends one with her stay-at-home father (and I mean ’stay-at-home’ in a literal manner cos that’s all we ever see of him). Lena gets whisked off to NYU to sketch and date a nude model, while suddenly-slutty Tibby problematizes a pregnancy scare and an imaginary movie script. Carmen is the only one in the quartet with a story that echoes a hint of reality with her stint at a school play in Vermont as she plays the lead role opposite a cutesy Brit boy.

In all fairness, the movie turned out to be a decent rendition of the Sisterhood of the Shared Screentime allowing each ’sister’ to have her own story told (yet never actually given closure). The failed attempts at the comedy breeze by before you can even say the word ‘pants’, and just when you thought they’ve matured from their experiences from the previous movie, they still go through palliative measures to remedy whatever situation they find themselves in- all at the expense of their parents’ hefty bank accounts with spontaneous trips all around the world (I don’t care what the books explain) and what have you.

Triteness and everything else corny aside, as long as the pants fit this is still quite a movie to watch if you’re looking for something to pass the time- and that can’t be a good thing, can it?

In the mood for a clean Maggie Cheung

Clean (2004): 2/5

Do what mommy does

Oliver Assayas directs Maggie Cheung in this horribly disjointed story about drugs and coming, well, Clean. I saw this film on the French Film Festival in Shangri-La, and I think I can say that I’ve seen this film more than a thousand times already due to the endless cliches and exhausted storyline. Perhaps it’s the worn-out rock and roll junkie story we’re tired of hearing, or the sketchy characterization. Or Nick Nolte’s resounding Hulk performance. Or maybe just bad storytelling set to a global backdrop.

Yet somehow ‘Clean’ manages to transform from a seemingly meaningless film into something of substance. Maybe it’s because of the soundtrack. Or maybe because of Maggie Cheung. Yes, we’re definitely in the mood for Maggie Cheung.

Even YOU could paint that

My Kid Could Paint That (2007): 4/5

look mommy - art!

My Kid Could Paint That is one of those ‘art’ films premiered at last year’s Sundance Film Fest. If I wanted to intend the pun, then yes, it is a film about art. A documentary to be precise. Marla Olmstead is a 4 year old whose paintings echo the works of Jackson Pollack and Picasso, and has garnered worldwide attention and became an instant phenomenon.

The subject matter of this documentary pretty much tackles something I know a lot of people would love to debate for hours on- art! While abstract expressionism may be considered by some to express the inner workings of our consciousness, others may see it as a scam. My Kid Could Paint That tackles drawing the line between ‘art’ and absurdity, inspiration and manipulation. It’s come down to an emperor’s new clothes practice as they tell us to forget aesthetics when there’s profound abstract-ness to appreciate. But at the end of this documentary, after much debacle, I think everyone agrees it’s all narrowed down to plain silliness and mere child’s play.

$300,000 worth of paintings this 4 year old has sold, I mean geeeezz even I could paint that.

The world will never be without chickens

Pink Flamingos (1972): 3/5

nice dress

This movie is trailer trash at its finest, and a quintessential “exercise in bad taste”. It was a case of curiosity killing the cat that led me to finally watching this movie that’s been sitting in my DVD stack for quite some time now. Much like the “filthiest people alive” depicted in Pink Flamingos, this twisted little film has also garnered undeniable attention and notoriety for being the filthiest film ever.

A cult cinema classic and the epitome of outrageous cinema, John Waters’ Pink Flamingos is a bundle of cheap thrills and surreal visual gags that never ceases to disappoint. It’s awfully hard to swallow, yet so easy to get hooked. It’s sickening and disturbing yet all the same wildly entertaining (I think a part of me has already been incredibly desensitized as the whole movie struck me dumb funny). See it with an open mind and a strong stomach. Pink Flamingos encompasses superlatives; but to be brief, it was simply Divine!