Not the noir it claims

Walking the Detectives (2007)

Look at how cutesy the poster is

Watching the Detectives (2007): 1.5/5

It’s a completely irrelevant movie to watch even for a Saturday afternoon no-brainer, with an even more irrelevant title. The premise of ‘Watching the Detectives’ would’ve been an ideal recipe for a sweet and charming rom-com, except the writers forgot to add all the rom-com ingredients. The result instead is a bleak, tasteless disaster that came out half-baked, half-burned and half-assed that no amount of Cillian Murphy screentime could even remedy. We do, however, get the best of everything in this movie – such as having the opportunity to see Lucy Liu’s best performance as a 30-40 year old imp lady dressed like a 15 year old. She is pink bubble gum personified, the kind that I wish I saw under a dirty old sneaker. Yuck.

Seemingly crafted for the Irishman’s female fanbase, the annoying, endless banter throughout the film became quite easy to forgive, as soon as Cillian-glorifying camera work took place. After split-second glimpses of the actor’s rear end, plus that his character was supposedly a shy, endearing film geek, I think I’m ready to forget the ninety minutes that had wasted away and just retain that thought in my memory. :0)

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